Monday, August 27, 2012

A Week Later


Here is a little update on life here… ok… it is really just a rambling entry of things happening here and feelings I am having… 
Monday we packed up everything and literally threw it into our apartment.
I have been trying my absolute hardest to stay in bed, but… bed rest in a complete disaster of an apartment, with no internet connection, on an air mattress = pretty LAME. But… every time I want to whine… I just kinda laugh… cause… well this is so ridiculous, and yet so full of the Grace of God. What do I really have to complain about?
We’ve started getting a few things put together and unpacked…  a little…
On Saturday, we finally got the hot water hooked up to the shower :)
Oscar traveled to Chiclayo and we finally got our furniture Sunday morning (after literally a week of only having an air mattress to sit on. Yikes) (and the movers, who were supposed to be there at 4 on Saturday afternoon, came at 6:30 in the morning Sunday :)
We’ve bought a fridge. Yay for cold drinks!
I have put together most of a 750 piece puzzle of Stonehenge.
I have not only watched a lot of movies, but I have also alphabetized my DVD’s.
I have decided that season 3 of The Office is my favorite season. 
Oscar took me to get a pedicure. He is the best. (He literally has not stopped working or moving hardly at all. He is amazing in so many ways, and my gratitude for him in my life has multiplied in the last week.)
I found one of Edwin’s bottle caps in my back pocket, and cried for 20 minutes. I also cried for 20 minutes the night Oscar left for Chiclayo… so… I am crying a lot.
It has felt really strange to go from constantly being needed, always having people around, there being constant noise to now being alone most of the time… and laying in bed being what I need to do… and so much quiet. I have a movie or music going constantly, cause the quiet just feels wrong.
I have had some visits from friend here – bringing me starbucks and magazines, or pizza and gifts, or loaning me things we need and don’t have yet. It has been a blessing and encouragement.
The volunteers have told me things in the Tesoros house are rolling along just fine and that they’re all adjusting well to the changes. They said Edwin has opened up even more, and what used to be overwhelmingly focused affection on Oscar and I has now become affection for anyone who will accept it. That makes my heart happy…
I can honestly say that I have peace… there are moments when I am not sure how we’re going to pay for things (hence why we don’t have internet yet)… and moments when I still worry about things in the orphanage – the volunteers, the big decisions, and my babies…  But most of this week has been full of peace.  Knowing God is in control.
And when the worries creep in (especially about the kids) I remind myself “This isn’t a tragedy in their life. Their tragedies are being completely abandoned by their families, watching their mother die, being beaten and abused… Oscar and I leaving them isn’t going to scar them for life. They have survived and been protected through things a million times worse than the padres that lived with them for less than year leaving. … But me worrying or making wrong decisions could be the tragedy in my daughter’s life. She isn’t ready to be born yet, and me choosing not to Trust God and accept His peace to keep me calm… me choosing to do more than I should, could cause damage to her that could scar her forever.” Then I leave whatever box I want to unpack or pile I want to get put away and go lay back down, even when it feels wrong for the right thing to be doing to be laying around doing nothing.
Thank you to all of you who have messages, emailed, written on my wall. Forgive me if it takes me a while to respond. Until we get internet set up at our place, I probably won’t get a chance to respond. I am grateful and encouraged by the love, support, and prayers of all of you.
This song came on my Itunes the other day… it is perfect:

Downhere - For the Heartbreak

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