Would you think less of me if I told you how I feel?

I'm as tired as a willow branches

in the trees in the field

That for so long have had to carry such a load

and fear they may break at the next coming snow

There is love

There is beauty

And then there is pain

and at the moment I can't help but feel

that they are all the same

- Bradley Hathaway

Those are the lyrics to a song that I have listened to over and over again this week. (Listening to it right now, and boy is Oscar Very sick of it.) It is how I feel.

The past 2 weeks here in the orphanage have been hard.

Sometimes I want to think that this ministry is harder than others... Harder than say working in a nice church in the suburbs. I know that isn't true. I know that, as much as I feel our kids are broken and hurt the most, children in any ministry are surrounded by sin, pain, death and heartache.

But, these days the consequences of sin have been heavy upon the orphanage. In reality, each child's very presence in the orphanage is a representation of the consequence of sin. The sins of their parents - causing abandonment, pain and uncertainty in the lives of these precious children.

But it goes much deeper. Many of these children are the product of rape, or have been abused, beated, or mistreated in real and strong ways. Bearing these sins from there parents would have been enough, but these sins do not stop there. There are consequences and reprecussions that these children will pay for their parents' sin for the rest of their lives. The pain and marks left on their lives are deep and long-lasting.

It is hard to watch these children struggle. suffer. fall into temptation. search for answers. feel the consequesnces deep in their hearts.

No. It isn't hard, it is gut wrenchingly, hearbreakingly, impossible. it is impossible to watch this.

Even on Easter, a day meant to celebrate His victory over sin and their wages, my heart seemed to settle on the overwhelming price He paid for us. I praised Him for His victory, yes, but my heart just counldn't get passed the consequences He bore for me, my children, and the world.

Our chains have been broken. We are not bound to sin or its consequences anymore. But somehow, in the past few weeks, the orphanage has staggered under the weight of chains far to heavy to bear. Chains of exhaustion, disunity, frustration, pain, sexual sin, and the cycle of consequences left on the lives of our children by their parents.

I ask that any who read this lift us up in prayer.

Pray for

unity

strength

energy to fight the good fight

that love, grace, mercy... and justice would abound in these walls.

Pray that every step, every decision, every leader would move, act, speak and be in accordance with God's will, expressing the rich Love of our Father.

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of
Christ