Well we have been parents for 5 and ½ weeks. It has been quite a time. It would be impossible to fully describe the first month. It would be impossible to even fully describe a day. So I will just share what happens sometimes…… and how it makes me feel…
Sometimes the kids misbehave, lie, throw fits, scream, slam doors, hit, bite and kick.
Sometimes we punish them and it seems too harsh. Sometimes we punish them and it doesn’t seem like enough to get the point across. Sometimes we don’t punish them and try to teach the Grace of God…
Sometimes I lose my patience. Sometimes I don’t give them that 10th hug of the day they want cause I am too busy serving lunch. Sometimes instead of using the teachable moments or just playing with them, I am just lazy. Sometimes I feel like I fail.
Sometimes they are so funny. They say the most ridiculous things. They do the most ridculous things. Sometimes they make me laugh so hard.
Sometimes they have questions that I don’t know how to answer. What is the wind, why their mother didn’t come this week, and If I am their mom now. How am I supposed to respond?
Sometimes they tell stories… about their mother not wanting to see them anymore, when the truth is their mother died, and they just don’t understand what that means… Sometimes they tell about their mother saying she isn’t going to come visit, and isn’t going to be their mom anymore, like that is normal. Sometimes they break my heart. Sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I have no clue how to react to the kids or what to do with them. Sometimes I feel lost.
Sometimes, I want to throw a pity party for myself about how hard it is. I want to write home to complain about the hours, the stress, the lack of money, the exhaustion and all the pee I have to deal with. Sometimes I lose my focus, and this becomes a job.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed. I clean something… and in less than an hour it is already dirty again. Sometimes I do more laundry than I knew to be humanly possible. Sometimes I feel like all I really am is a maid. Sometimes I hate it.
Sometimes, I slip away “to hang laundry”, put my headphones in, and find my re-focus. I find my 5 minutes to worship my Father. Sometimes I hide, all by myself, amidst the drying sheets and blankets, and thank Him for His love, mercy, grace, strength, patience, and faithfulness as he parents me. Sometimes I am deeply grateful to get to go hang laundry.
Sometimes I love my boys so much I am not sure I’ll ever be able to leave them.
Sometimes I think that If I can’t find five minutes alone my head is going to explode.
Sometimes I look at them and see the effects of their parents’ poor choices. Sometimes I see their scars, their flat heads… I see how small and short they are. Sometimes I get angry. Angry at “parents” who didn’t/don’t value my treasures. Angry at “parents” that still lie and emotional damage my boys. Angry at “parents” who are selfish and immature.
Sometimes they truly feel like my sons. Sometimes they ask for another hug and kiss good night.. Sometimes they ask me to sleep in their bed with them. Sometimes they yell “Buenas Noches, Papa. Buenas Noches, Mama” and I suddenly don’t want it to be bedtime anymore just so I can spend more time with them.
Sometimes they come running to hug me from across the field. Sometimes they come and hug me, just cause they want to hug me. Sometimes they overwhelm me with their love for me.
Sometimes I am grateful for this opportunity. Grateful to get to love and be loved by these boys. Grateful to teach and learn from these boys. Grateful they’re in my life. Grateful they are my boys.
Always, I am blessed by each and every one of them, by my amazing husband, and by the God I serve.
Prayer Requests:
Jose Luis: Pray for his future and the possibilities of getting a forever family.
Alejandro: He has been throwing a lot of fits lately. Pray for wisdom and patience for Oscar and I as we deal with him, and that his anger will diminish.
Jhon: He can be extremely shy in large groups. He will be starting school this March. Pray for this transition.
Jorge: He can be quite a tattletale, and indian giver. Pray he learns to be a friend.
Pedro and Pablo: Their father is not in a healthy state, and when he visits it causes more pain than joy. Pray for protection.
Juan: Pray for peace in his heart and life as he fights the demons of his past.
Paul: He will possibly be returning home to his mother. Pray God works His will in his life. It has also been a huge struggle for him adjusting to having a male authority in the house.
Edwin: Pray for a forever family for him. He has been waiting so long.
